The Cat Walker

One afternoon while I was cleaning out my car a handsome guy went jogging past my house. He definitely caught my eye and had me thinking how in the world will I ever find out who he was. Well he made it easy, I was pretty shocked when I saw this same guy, Ben, all of a sudden standing in my drive-way with a smile and ready to get to know me. He explained to me that when he saw me, he ran home, put on a button up and was trying to catch his cat before heading over to my place. Yes, catch his cat! He proceeded to tell me that he walks his cat on a leash usually and thought it’d impress me and spark a conversation. I let him know immediately that I was allergic and that it was a good thing he couldn’t “catch his cat” at the time.

After a little conversation, he asked for my number and if he could take me on a date that night. Single me , with zero plans, said yes. I figured he was trying hard and was attempting to be creative on how he’d get my attention with the cat walking and the sprinting home to change, it couldn’t be that bad of a date.

Later that evening he walked to my house and we walked to the bowling alley. It was a little awkward which I expected as we didn’t know each other at all. I feel like if we were really into each other, then nothing would have made it awkward. After our one game of bowling, we walked over to get a Coke to share. While we were standing at the concession the song “Lollipop” by Lil wayne came on. I am definitely a fan of rap, but not when my Jesse Mccartney look-a-like date starts to sing word for word “Lollipop.” Ben knew all the words to the song,

“But man I aint never seen an @ss like hers
That p**sy in my mouth had me at a loss for words
I told her to back it up like burp burp
And make that @ss jump like jerp jerp

And thats when she-she lick me like a lollipop
(Oh yeah I like that)
She l-l-lick me like a lollipop
(Oh yeah I like that)
She l-l-lick me like a lollipop
(Oh yeah I like that)
She l-l-lick me like a lollipop

Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump”

On that note, I walked outside (red faced) and waited for him so we could start walking home. On our walk home Ben the leech kept singing, hugging me and trying to kiss my neck. Safe to say we never went out again.

LifestyleAustin Payne