Eddie and I were finally living in the same city. We both called Nashville home. He and I would text each other occasionally, but didn’t speak that often. Even though we barley spoke, my heart would still sink every time I got a text from him. I believe Eddie had so much control over me, because I was crazy about him, we never had proper closer, and because he continued to tell me that I was going to be his wife and the mother of his children.
After being in Nashville for around five months he asked if I wanted to hangout. I of course being on the fence and very nervous about what I should do, asked my sister for advice. She told me that if I was uncomfortable hanging out with him to just invite him over to the house, we could walk the dogs, hangout outside and just keep it real casual. I liked that idea and the idea and the comfort of her being around the whole time as well. So I decided to give it a go. I texted Eddie back and told him to head on over to the house.
I was so nervous waiting for him to arrive. Time passed by and finally he pulled up in the driveway in his black truck.
Eddie walked up the front steps and….
Truthfully Eddie didn’t look like my Eddie. Eddie had changed. He looked so different than what I had remembered. He wasn’t as handsome as I remembered him being, which was so strange to me because my Eddie was quiet the hunk. His face had really thinned out, his body seemed different, he just seemed so different.
He and I headed to the back porch where he got into the pool and I sat and watched him swim. His whole demeanor seemed to have changed, the way he carried himself changed, nothing about Eddie seemed like my Eddie. Honestly it felt like a huge weight had been lifted, I almost could laugh at how I was afraid ten minutes prior to him arriving. How could I have let this man all this time control my emotions, control the way I felt, make me cry myself to sleep all those nights? How could I allow him to convince me that no man was good enough for me but him? What a joke this all was to me now. It was like a bell went off, and I could truthfully see who Eddie was now that I wasn’t letting my emotions blind me. Finally Eddie ole buddy had zero control of my emotions. I had my epiphany.
Eddie hung out at the house with us a little longer, but Jess, as always was hungry so we all got in the car and went off to eat at PF Changs. As we were driving I stared out the window looked back on our tumultuous relationship. It dawned on me PF Changs was the first place Eddie and I ate at together and I knew in that moment it would be the last.
After lunch and after hanging out at the house a bit longer, Eddie finally left and went home, but not without informing me that he was once again single. Poor Whitney. I felt sorry for her. She wasn’t the other woman, neither was I. We were both the object of his manipulation. I tried to call him out on his behavior when we were dating, but he dodged it all and had an explanation for everything.
Later that evening, I found out he was lying, of course. Jess and I face timed with him and took a screenshot of the Face Time and put it on our instagram (being funny). Minutes later, Eddie called, he was livid and demanded I take the post down then blocked me and Jess on social media. I guess he didn’t want his girlfriend to see he was Face timing another woman or his ex. Eddie, true to form was lying. The next day Eddie posted many photos of him and Whitney, writing under the photo how much he loves her.
And, with that, the final chapter was written and the book closed.
It feels wonderful to be free of the emotional baggage of my not so prince charming. I am grateful for the lessons that I learned and the mistakes I made because it is all part of God’s Plan in preparing me to meet my true love all in His Time.
Visiting Haiti was one of the happiest and saddest experiences I’ve ever been through. The first day I arrived we immediately went to the feeding program where orphan children who live on the street are able to have a meal a few times a week. You’d never know these children are suffering. They are so happy and have a glow, playing and laughing with out any worries in the world. They are so welcoming and want to hug you and hold on to you. Because of the poverty, violence and AIDS, Haiti has the highest percentage of orphans of any country in the Western Hemisphere. Before the 2010 earthquake, the United Nations estimated there were 430,000 orphans. These children not only don’t have families, but they’re learning to survive on the streets from a very young age. It was sad, but also beautiful to see how these young children were taking care of one another. A girl who couldn’t have been any older than six was holding a another child’s face helping her drink the one cup of water provided to each child that day. These children don’t get to be children, they are parenting one another from a very young age. I spoke with one of the CEO’s of the foundation I was with and explained how I was confused about how happy these kids seemed although they were living on the streets. David explained to me that these children feel safe during this time, they know they don’t need to have survival mode on, but as soon as they leave the broken down cement walled area they change. They go back into survival mode and are afraid. It’s horrible to know that more than 10% of Haitian children die before the of age five. These children aren’t even given a fighting chance to live, be children and experience life.
I’m Me Foundation’s goal is to break the orphan cycle and not only care for the orphan children, but also prevent any more children from becoming homeless and parentless. They want to provide jobs to the parents so they are able to support and keep their children. On my trip they brought us to an orphanage. The best way to describe this place is like a little piece of Hell on Earth. As I walked into the crumbled, cement, dark building the children begin to run out of the darkness and into my arms. It was overwhelming to have all these children who are suffering so much and don’t know who you are come running into your arms and not want to let go. They want love so badly and want to hold on to something and someone who may love them back. I wanted to never let go of all these babies. Before I came to Haiti I was so worried about catching a sickness or disease, but as soon as these beautiful children were looking into my eyes and holding on to me, my fears faded. Not once was I afraid for myself while I was there, I was only afraid for these children. I was afraid that some wouldn't even make it to see next week.
A group of us were brought to the lower level of the orphanage so see the babies. It was like a dungeon for prisoners. Walking down the hallway with no sunlight I was afraid to see what was ahead. It was much worse than I could ever imagine. Little babies with no bottoms on were laying on a pee stained dirty mattress all together in a dark room on the floor. It was like they were rag dolls, like they weren’t even alive anymore. I couldn’t hold back my tears, I was so afraid for these babies. How could someone be okay with leaving these gifts from God in this dark hell hole alone, naked and afraid? I could see all their bones, I could see there back bones and tale bones. I was so scared to pick these babies up, I was afraid I’d hurt them or break them. Once I was holding them I couldn’t put them down not only because I wanted to give as much love as I possibly could, but because I could tell they felt the love was taken away the moment the embrace was broken. It about killed me to witness their suffering.
We turned our attention to some of the older children for a few hours, we played games, sang songs and talked about what they wanted to be when they grew up. We were in this broken building with smoke pouring into the cracked walls burning our eyes so badly that they watered. We began to pack up and head out and upon seeing this, the children realized they were not being adopted and that the were not coming with us. They begin to break down and become num again. Their smiles faded away knowing they were stuck here in this terrible place. Some of the older children ranging from around eight to thirteen actually came up to the leaders of I’m Me to tell them to take the babies, because they knew they wouldn’t survive. These children who are living in this terrible place don’t put themselves first, but once again are parenting and wanting to help the babies. A five year old came up and took a three month old out of my arms to parent him and make him smile. What five year old knows how to hold and make a baby not cry? It is shocking how quickly these children have to grow up and lose their own childhood.
While I was at the orphanage I held on to a little boy for a while, he ended up feeling safe and fell asleep in my arms. The entire time I was there he hadn’t smiled or laughed once, finally I got him to laugh and smile, it was the best feeling to finally get to see this little boy relax, let go and be happy. Once I put him down he followed me around the rest of the time I was there. Later I noticed he had peed himself. His shorts were completely wet, I kept looking at the lady who is in charge of the orphanage, but she didn’t care, that was just normal for her I suppose. The women in charge of the orphanage is also trying to survive in life and knows that some of these children when “bought” are being turned into work slaves or being put into prostitution, but she turn her cheek because she also wants to survive.
I’m Me has become the legal guardians of eleven children in Haiti and have changed these kids lives. When they first adopted these children they looked like they were about to die. The doctor they brought the children to said good luck and to just pray that they live. I’m Me’s goal is to build multiple homes and to take these orphan children out of the orphanage and give them a chance at a happy long life. Not only will they be adopting these children and providing for them, but they will also be providing jobs for adult Haitians to become the nanny’s for the children, the cooks, the teachers, and many more jobs. They don’t want to take the Haitian children out of Haiti, they want to better Haiti and give these children the resources and confidence to do well and succeed and better their country.
The lives of these ten children have been changed and they want to change the lives of as many as they can. They want to pick up those babies off the dirty mattress in the dark room and never put them back. It was beautiful seeing how much these kids lives were changed once adopted. The children they rescued are smart, bright, happy and loved. They’re so friendly and loving and I truly believe that these kids they saved will do great things for their country and help make a difference so that the orphan cycle can end. The suffering needs to end. I’m Me is helping change this country, save children and show these kids that they can do whatever they put their mind to. They’re helping build confidence and teaching them that they can do anything. They are letting these children know that they are loved and that they too can make a difference. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to witness so much love and compassion.
I went to Haiti hoping I could make a difference in the lives of these beautiful babies, little did I know it would be they who made a real difference in mine.
Head to immeorg.webconnex and see how you can help make a change. Go on a vision trip, donate, buy one of their products (100% of your purchase helps to save the life of an orphaned child), raise awareness (post on your social media and help get people involved). Need more information on I’mMe imme.org/about-us
After my last try with Eddie and after seeing his true colors again, I decided to leave him where he belonged, in my past. And the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one. Not really, ha ha, that’s not my style, but I did want to get out there again and distract myself from all the hurt and rejection.
I began to date a new guy, Caleb whom I shortly became crazy about. Eric had introduced me to him on a double date one evening with my sister and him. Caleb was tall, handsome, and blonde. After spending time with him I fell in love with how he could be silly like me, eat candy all night, and go on any crazy adventure I came up with. He seemed to really get me and that felt great.
While dating Caleb, Eddie texted me, but ignored all means of communication with him. When I’m dating someone I am very loyal and I don’t want to jeopardize anything I have with that person, so I ignore every other man who contacts me. Also, I simply become so occupied and happy that I forget to reply back.
I am beginning to realize I tend to look through rose-colored glasses when I start dating someone with the hopes of falling in love. Plus, I like to focus on the good in people. I think I began to do that with Caleb. I thought everything with him was wonderful; we spent every minute together that we could. We went on trips together; and I truly thought things would last. We had been together for four months.
Despite enjoying his company and adoring many things about him, I began to get frustrated with him. I wanted to focus on the wonderful and tried to push aside the rest. That didn’t last very long. I couldn’t understand the path he was following and knew I couldn’t see myself being a part of it and couldn’t help but start pulling away. I think if he was really right for me the decisions he made wouldn’t bother me, but they did. I started to feel less attracted to him as well which is never a good sign. I gave it a lot of thought and realized I couldn’t move past our lifestyle differences, so I had to end it with Caleb.
I then turned to the man I always go back to after a breakup, Eddie. I of course leaned on him and told him everything that happened. He once again was in my life and convincing me that I would be his wife and the mother of his children but we both just weren’t ready for that kind of commitment. You would think after everything that had happened with Eddie and me, I wouldn’t want anything to do with him, but that’s so hard when you’ve only given one man your heart and despite everything he continues to tell you what you want to hear. Though I knew it wasn’t true, I convinced myself to believe in him and us and our fairytale ending
Eddie as always began to tell me how terrible his relationship was and how we should be together. He pulled me along again and I was stuck and following him around like a lost puppy. He had so much power over my emotions, if he texted me my stomach would drop, if he didn’t I’d constantly be checking my phone. After three months of this game I was finally in Nashville for good and Eddie was ready to see me again.
To be continued…