Nearly a month had past since I had heard from my “prince,” Eddie. He had a way of reaching out to me out of the blue and making me forget everything he had done to break my heart. One text, and I would forget all the tears I cried over him. All I wanted was to forget how he had treated me and to go back to the way things had been. When I heard from him, I would focus on the good and push down the memories of the bad so I could have the chance of feeling the way I did when Eddie treated me like a princess. I longed for those romantic nights under the stars, the way he held my hand as if that simple gesture connected us in a way that couldn’t be broken. Eddie knew exactly what to say and how to act to make me want him back immediately. He was good and bad like that all at the same time.
Eddie and I texted and talked for a couple weeks and I began to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I could feel that it was different this time, and it was, just not in the way I had hoped. I opened my computer and checked in on Facebook and immediately noticed Eddie’s status had changed, he was now in a relationship!! Problem was, it wasn’t with me. Eddie was in a relationship with Whitney, a girl from his hometown. I sat there in disbelief; my heart began to pound out of my chest. How could this man who had been talking to me nonstop for weeks all of a sudden be dating another girl? And, not only was he dating her, he had made it “official” on Facebook.
My mind raced and I began to think of the odd times he would call me. It was never while he was at home, it was usually a phone call when he was driving or running errands. Once he called me at eleven o'clock at night, when he was running to the bank. I think sometimes when you are so lost in your emotions you’d rather lie to yourself than face the facts of the truth.
Of course Eddie and I stopped talking for a while again, but anytime something went wrong in his relationship with Whitney he always seemed to come back around. He would text me and tell me he was single and explain to me how I was going to be his wife one day, but that we just needed to date other people for now until we were ready for marriage. He would tell me how I was going to be the mother of his children. He would pillow talk me until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. Eddie would say all the right things to me to keep me on a string and then get back with his girlfriend every single time. Funny thing is anytime I dated a guy I wouldn’t reply to Eddie’s text, but as soon as my relationship ended I’d text him and tell him what happened. He would call me and tell me how everything with my ex would be wrong and how I’m supposed to be with him, ignoring the fact that he was STILL dating Whitney.
Nearly two years passed since Eddie and I had seen one another in person. We finally ended up in the same town at the same time and decided to get together. He wouldn’t acknowledge that he still had this girlfriend; all he said was that he really wanted to see me. Eddie had been in my life for so long and we continued to dance this little dance and I wasn’t ready for it to end, so I told him he could come and pick me up. I just hoped this time he really was single.
He picked me up to “hangout” which in other words meant make out. I can’t explain why I’d want to kiss a man back who had been so terrible to me or who may or may not still have a girlfriend. In my mind Eddie was always mine and I was trying to take back what had simply been lost for so long.
We hung out at his place for a while and everything seemed to sort of pick up where it left off. Hanging out with him was easy and comfortable. It just felt right.Despite everything I felt a connection with Eddie that I had never felt with anyone and I wanted to hold onto it forever. I could feel myself smiling and wanted to be this happy always.
On our way out of his place I glanced up and saw a dry erase board with a note written to Eddie from…. his girlfriend, Whitney. I stopped mid step, my heart sank. He really was the same old Eddie. He ran over and quickly erased the message and walked past as if nothing had happened. How simple he thought it was to erase things, to make them disappear. The words may have been gone, but he could not erase the hurt. Not this time.
To be continued….